You know, I was just going to skip on posting anything about Father’s Day. Because to be honest, I have been a little bitter about the whole father situation. To start off, we buried my dad on a Wednesday and then just 4 days later I had to watch Nathan celebrate his dad being home.
It was a moment that was a lot more bitter than sweet. It just didn’t seem fair. Not that I wasn’t very happy to have Nathan’s dad home, it is just that it was like a punch in the gut that I would not get to experience a time like that with my dad until after this life is over and done with.
And then to add insult to injury I was expected to celebrate Father’s Day just a few weeks later. The week before Father’s Day we planted a couple of gardenia bushes given to us by Nathan’s mom and by our sweet home teacher and his wife to serve as symbolic reminders of my dad.
That too made me a little sad that instead of getting to see my dad I was planting a bush to help me remember him. Like I said, I’ve been a little bitter. But surprisingly, yesterday was better than I expected. Rather than being a normal church service, we had Stake Conference. The focus of the conference was family. As I arrived there yesterday morning, I almost began crying before the opening song was even sung. And so I said a little prayer. Just asking to help me get through the day. But Heavenly Father did better than that. He helped me not only get through the day but to find joy in it. The speakers were uplifting and inspiring and filled my heart with hope of great things to come. But most of all as I watched Nathan with Mandy and Dallin as they gave him their special Coupon Books they had made, I was filled with gratitude knowing what a wonderful father my children have been blessed with. Then as we spent the evening with Nathan’s family, my heart was again filled with gratitude knowing what a wonderful father my husband has and how grateful I am that I can count him as my father too.
I know I will likely still have lots of moments of sadness when thinking of my dad, but I am so grateful for the gospel and knowing that our family is a Forever Family.
These are my favorite posts. Every day people put on "brave faces" no matter what is going on in their life. I'm so glad you can use this blog as a release. I, too, am so thankful and grateful to know our family is forever but that doesn't help with the hurt! I can only imagine what you must be going through. I am here if you need to talk. I'm a pretty good listener.
ReplyDeleteOh Nuts!
ReplyDeleteI loved this post. I caught myself smiling and then crying! I loved the Great News of Nathan's Dad coming home and the pic. of the two of them. What Wonderful Men! Loved the pic of Layton holding the sign.
But then my Heart feels so heavy for you... Can't even imagine! I often wonder why does life have to be so hard sometimes. I think when you start getting sad you must do something for someone else to take the pain way and bring happiness to someone else. Read a book to the kids, bake some cookies and have a tea party, or go deliver them to someone, call someone to tell them you love them, turn up some music and dance.
But you need to also make time to heal and let your heart mend. If you are to feed and take care of others you must First feed your self. Try to wake up before the kids and find happiness and peace yourself before the day begins with all the crazyness.
We are always enertaining two guests... The Body and Soul. What we give to the body we presently lose: but what we give our soul we will keep Forever!
I LOVE YOU! Wish I could have you come out here for a girls Recovery trip... The two of us could get a hotel room order, room service, jump on the beds, have a pillow fight, stay up late, sleep in, and try to help that heart mend. I love you... Keep your head up!
xoxoxox
Wow! Kelly, I don't even know you but what wisdom you wrote.
ReplyDeleteFather's day is always sad for me, too. I was 34 when my father (Big Pa) died. I didn't have faith and belief at the time that I would ever see him again so that made it extra hard. I am slowly coming to believe that Families are Forever. I think of Minnie and Mary about how they lost their father when they were just teenagers.
I am so grateful that you have Nathan and Jonathan to love and comfort you.
I love you very much! Mema
*HUGS* Katheryn
ReplyDeleteMy grandmom and granddaddy both lost their mothers just a few days before Christmas (different years, though). I always think about how hard it must be for them, grieving over the loss of their mothers so close to what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of the year.
You are a wise, strong woman and I know you will be able to make it through this time with grace and dignity.
If all else fails, ask your doctor for some Xanax. It'll make everything better! ;)
You came to my mind several times yesterday. I hoped that you wouldn't be too sad yesterday and that you would feel your father's love for you somehow. It seems that happend! I know you will always miss him!!!
ReplyDeletep.s. Nathan is a great dad too.
ReplyDeleteIt seems he had big shoes to fill with your daddy being one of the best!He's doing a great job!!
It is official you are the best blogger I know! I cried and smiled. I hope you know how amazing you are. I can not even imagine how the loss most feel. Just so you know the thing I love about you most is that you are honest. I am sure telling the whole truth and feeling slightly bitter in the beginning of the day was not a easy confession. I am so glad you were honest. Sometimes it would be super fantastic to just call a quick time out on life so that we have a moment to catch our breaths with all the changes that happen in it. I know you have a beautiful testimony of the gospel and how lucky are we to have that comfort of dreaming of the day you and your daddy get to hug and embrace after this crazy ride we call life. Nathan and his dad are exceptional fathers.... what a blessing to know that your children will have those same feelings and gratitude towards the two of them that you feel towards you dad. I am so happy everything ended on a simple and sweet reminder for you that our heavenly loves and knows of your loss and most importantly that families are forever. I love you! If you need to be bitter or cry I am the perfect girl to listen. Great blog post!
ReplyDeleteKatheryn, I was thinking of you on Father's Day and said a prayer for you. Sounds like the day was tough at first, but then got better. What a blessing! Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteKatheryn, I love you. I appreciate your raw emotions. Mark has those same feelings. He always wonders why his dad had to leave so early. In fact, he prefers to mention how bad it SUCKS. May you continue expressing your feelings to get "it" out. We are able to learn and grow together. It also gives us the opportunity to remember you in our prayers.
ReplyDelete